What you do & don’t do when as a parent you are confronted with a severe case of PAS (as I am)
William Kirkendale, PresidentThe Parental Alienation Syndrome Foundation&The Family Court Reform Council of AmericaLos Angeles, California310-544-7800Web site address: www.familycourts.com E-mail address: info@familycourts.com
DO'S
DO...take off the gloves and demand immediate action by the Court to STOP the abuse of your child. Remind the Court in the strongest terms possible that your child's life, mental health and their continued on going relationship with you is at stake...AND that if they don't intervene immediately the chances of ever saving your child and your relationship together will be ZERO.
DO...start to immediately educate yourself, your lawyer, your judge, your psychologist and your child, if possible, about PAS. This is one of the most widespread forms of emotional child abuse there is arising out of our Family Court system today and there are at least 1,000 internet web sites for you to obtain information from about PAS.
DO...fully prepare yourself for your Court presentation about PAS. To do this you should print and make several copies of all the information on PAS you find on these web sites and put them in at least four (4) separate booklets and entitle them.. --URGENT & IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR THE COURT ON PAS....What you need to know about the abuse of my child to save him/her and me from a lifetime of pain and suffering--. Before you go into Court you should give one of these booklets to your lawyer and your psychologist while keeping one for yourself and the Court. DO...tell the Court if they don't act immediately to stop your child's abuse, you will take your PAS case and all the proof and evidence you provided the Court on your child's PAS condition to the local newspapers and T.V. stations...AND... you will post your case and Judge's name on all the PAS internet web sites for the whole world to see how derelict the Court was in not carrying out its responsibility to protect your child from your former spouse's severe emotional abuse and the permanent destruction of you and your child's relationship together.
DO...trust your own instincts as a parent to do what is in the best interests of your child when confronted with this PAS problem...AND...if the Court won't protect your child's interests, then you will protect his/her interests yourself. This you will do by public exposure of your case to the media until the Court does protect your child's interests as the law requires them to do. It may take a long time but you must never ever give up the fight.
DO...continue to reach out to your PAS affected child no matter how many times they tell you how much they hate you and never want to see you again. While they may say these things to you, the fact is they really don't hate you and actually yearn desperately to see you again, but those feelings are not allowed any expression by the abusing parent.
DO...keep your faith in God and yourself at all times while always taking the high road to fight and solve this problem.
DON'TS
DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to know anything about PAS or to try and help you save your child and your relationship together. Almost all lawyers, Judges, psychologists and Court mediators who are involved in your case KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT PAS...AND...even if they did would probably not have the time or be able to fully understand your case and how important it is for Court intervention to stop your child's PAS abuse. In most PAS cases none of these people really care about helping you and your child either.
DON'T...delude yourself into thinking that your local Family Court, your Judge, your lawyer, your psychologist or anyone else but you really wants to look out for and protect the best interests of your child.
DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to properly educate themselves on PAS. This is particularly true about your former spouse, Family Court Judges and Court appointed psychologists. You must do all this research and education about PAS yourself to pass on to all the people involved in your case.
DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to intimidate you. You will be challenged at every turn and told you don't know what you are talking about when you mention PAS. Many will also tell you that PAS is nothing more than a figment of your imagination and that it has never been proven and doesn't even exist in the Psychiatric Association's Bible of mental and psychiatric disorders known as DSM-IV. Some of these people will further tell you that this was only a --pipe dream-- invented by Dr. Richard Gardner to sell his books. DON'T believe a word these people tell you and never give in to their intimidating tactics to discredit you, PAS or Dr. Gardner.
DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to delay or prolong your Court hearing on this matter. The longer this PAS abuse goes on with your child, the more difficult it will be for you to do anything to stop it...AND...if it goes on for too long without Court intervention (ie. 6 months or more) then your chances of ever re-establishing a normal healthy relationship with your child will start to approach ZERO.
DON'T...engage in any kind of retaliatory brainwashing PAS abuse of your child yourself. The temptation is always there to --fight fire with fire-- when you are being attacked and maligned by your former spouse, BUT DON'T EVER DO IT. REMEMBER, always take the High Moral ground for your child and if you want to get angry and verbally attack someone, get angry and attack the people who are doing this to your child. Never get angry at your child for how he/she is behaving or in any other way do anything to further hurt your child. You must be able to walk a fine line always trusting in yourself and your God to see and fight this thing through for the ultimate best interests of your child and yourself.
DON'T...ever GIVE UP no matter how many well meaning and/or not so well meaning people tell you to do so. You will constantly hear people tell you that you should merely give up the fight to save your child from PAS and wait until they grow up and find out for themselves how badly they were abused by your former spouse and the Court. This would be the same as letting your child drown until they learned how to swim themselves. You have a solemn duty to protect your children and thus you cannot ever shirk from that duty.
DO'S
DO...take off the gloves and demand immediate action by the Court to STOP the abuse of your child. Remind the Court in the strongest terms possible that your child's life, mental health and their continued on going relationship with you is at stake...AND that if they don't intervene immediately the chances of ever saving your child and your relationship together will be ZERO.
DO...start to immediately educate yourself, your lawyer, your judge, your psychologist and your child, if possible, about PAS. This is one of the most widespread forms of emotional child abuse there is arising out of our Family Court system today and there are at least 1,000 internet web sites for you to obtain information from about PAS.
DO...fully prepare yourself for your Court presentation about PAS. To do this you should print and make several copies of all the information on PAS you find on these web sites and put them in at least four (4) separate booklets and entitle them.. --URGENT & IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR THE COURT ON PAS....What you need to know about the abuse of my child to save him/her and me from a lifetime of pain and suffering--. Before you go into Court you should give one of these booklets to your lawyer and your psychologist while keeping one for yourself and the Court. DO...tell the Court if they don't act immediately to stop your child's abuse, you will take your PAS case and all the proof and evidence you provided the Court on your child's PAS condition to the local newspapers and T.V. stations...AND... you will post your case and Judge's name on all the PAS internet web sites for the whole world to see how derelict the Court was in not carrying out its responsibility to protect your child from your former spouse's severe emotional abuse and the permanent destruction of you and your child's relationship together.
DO...trust your own instincts as a parent to do what is in the best interests of your child when confronted with this PAS problem...AND...if the Court won't protect your child's interests, then you will protect his/her interests yourself. This you will do by public exposure of your case to the media until the Court does protect your child's interests as the law requires them to do. It may take a long time but you must never ever give up the fight.
DO...continue to reach out to your PAS affected child no matter how many times they tell you how much they hate you and never want to see you again. While they may say these things to you, the fact is they really don't hate you and actually yearn desperately to see you again, but those feelings are not allowed any expression by the abusing parent.
DO...keep your faith in God and yourself at all times while always taking the high road to fight and solve this problem.
DON'TS
DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to know anything about PAS or to try and help you save your child and your relationship together. Almost all lawyers, Judges, psychologists and Court mediators who are involved in your case KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT PAS...AND...even if they did would probably not have the time or be able to fully understand your case and how important it is for Court intervention to stop your child's PAS abuse. In most PAS cases none of these people really care about helping you and your child either.
DON'T...delude yourself into thinking that your local Family Court, your Judge, your lawyer, your psychologist or anyone else but you really wants to look out for and protect the best interests of your child.
DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to properly educate themselves on PAS. This is particularly true about your former spouse, Family Court Judges and Court appointed psychologists. You must do all this research and education about PAS yourself to pass on to all the people involved in your case.
DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to intimidate you. You will be challenged at every turn and told you don't know what you are talking about when you mention PAS. Many will also tell you that PAS is nothing more than a figment of your imagination and that it has never been proven and doesn't even exist in the Psychiatric Association's Bible of mental and psychiatric disorders known as DSM-IV. Some of these people will further tell you that this was only a --pipe dream-- invented by Dr. Richard Gardner to sell his books. DON'T believe a word these people tell you and never give in to their intimidating tactics to discredit you, PAS or Dr. Gardner.
DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to delay or prolong your Court hearing on this matter. The longer this PAS abuse goes on with your child, the more difficult it will be for you to do anything to stop it...AND...if it goes on for too long without Court intervention (ie. 6 months or more) then your chances of ever re-establishing a normal healthy relationship with your child will start to approach ZERO.
DON'T...engage in any kind of retaliatory brainwashing PAS abuse of your child yourself. The temptation is always there to --fight fire with fire-- when you are being attacked and maligned by your former spouse, BUT DON'T EVER DO IT. REMEMBER, always take the High Moral ground for your child and if you want to get angry and verbally attack someone, get angry and attack the people who are doing this to your child. Never get angry at your child for how he/she is behaving or in any other way do anything to further hurt your child. You must be able to walk a fine line always trusting in yourself and your God to see and fight this thing through for the ultimate best interests of your child and yourself.
DON'T...ever GIVE UP no matter how many well meaning and/or not so well meaning people tell you to do so. You will constantly hear people tell you that you should merely give up the fight to save your child from PAS and wait until they grow up and find out for themselves how badly they were abused by your former spouse and the Court. This would be the same as letting your child drown until they learned how to swim themselves. You have a solemn duty to protect your children and thus you cannot ever shirk from that duty.
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