Gaslighting

 Gaslighting

The term comes from a play of the same name about a husband who attempts to make his wife think she is crazy. The actual definition is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting) In other words, the victim is made to believe that someone or something is not what they think it is. In the case of parent child relationships, this could involve one parent deliberately destroying the once positive memories of their other parent with the express purpose of severing all types to the targeted parent.
Below is a list of feelings and thoughts that one might have who is being gaslighted into not having a relationship with one parent. Your own personal experience may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, you may be a victim of psychological abuse and parental alienation from one of your parents.
1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at school, work, home, or around friends.
4. You're always apologizing to your mother/father
5. You wonder frequently if you are a "good enough" son/daughter.
6. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.
7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your parent in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great.
8. You frequently make excuses for your parents behavior to friends and family.
9. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.
10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You have trouble making simple decisions.
13. You think twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation.
14. Before your parent comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
15. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
16. You start speaking to your parent through another person so you don't have to tell him things you're afraid might upset him.
17. You feel as though you can't do anything right.
18. Your parent begins trying to protect you from your other parent based on things that don’t make sense or you do not remember or that you know are lies.
19. You find yourself furious with people you've always gotten along with before.
20. You feel hopeless and joyless.


THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN MY MARRIAGE. I HOPE MY DAUGHTERS NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THIS.


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