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Identification with the Aggressor: Understanding Coercive Control in the Lives of Children of Divorce & Separation

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By Karen Woodall, Psychotherapist Identification With The Aggressor: Understanding Coercive Control in the Lives of Children of Divorce and Separation I am often asked why children align with controlling parents and reject a parent they have witnessed being abused, the answer is simple, although the dynamic which traps the child in the mind of an abuser is not. Children align with a controlling parent because they are the weaker party in an asymmetrical power dynamic and cannot leave. Therefore, when you ask why children align in this way, you are really asking, why doesn’t the child just leave? When the question is asked this way, the answer becomes obvious. Many adults take months and years to finally be able to leave a controlling relationship, whereas children really can’t leave a controlling parent – a) because they don’t have the practical resources to do so and b) because they don’t have the emotional and psychological capacity to work out how they are trapped in such a situatio
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Abduction & Alienation: When Kids Grow Up to Learn the Truth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyEud_mXxlY&si=9HyO4KN_4EBL1RU5  
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A Severely Alienated Child of Parental Alienation Syndrome

  A Severely Alienated Child of Parental Alienation Syndrome
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The Dangers of Parental Alienation - Dr. Amy J. L. Baker

  Amy Baker is an author and leading expert in parental alienation. She explains the toxic behavior that can tear families apart.
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From Dr. J. Michael Bone

  Here are 5 Common Behaviors of Alienating Parents. Do any of these look familiar? #parentalalienation 1. Bad mouthing the other parent to the child & in front of the child. 2. Limiting contact between the child & the other parent. 3. Erasing the other parent from the life & mind of the child. 4. Creating the idea/impression that the other parent is dangerous. 5. Forcing the child to choose parents.
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Parental Alienation - Targeted parents and the effects - Research-Dr. Jennifer Harman

Parental Alienation - Targeted parents and the effects - Research  
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Keeping A Child Away From The Other Parent Can Backfire By Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Marriages can fail for many reasons. When they do, people can be seen on a spectrum from minimal conflict to high conflict as they sort out the task of untangling their lives to resume independent living. Where children are involved, living can only ever be semi-independent as the needs of the children will forever keep the couple united. As the level of conflict and animosity increases between the parents the thought of being tied through the children is too much for some people to bear. As such, some parents will seek to exclude or diminish the role of the other parent in the lives of the children. This meets the dual objective of greater freedom from the other parent and punishing the other parent for perceived injustices. In excluding or diminishing the role of the other parent several strategies can be deployed. These include; undermining access by being away or planning alternate events for the children; refusing access altogether for frivolous reasons; telling the child hurtful
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The Alienator as Terrorist

  IS THERE A Terrorist in the Home who is Establishing Fear, Anguish, and Apprehension in the Children? What do you call it when a parent or person instills such fear and hatred in a child that he/she is afraid to love their other parent? What do you call it when a parent uses condescending words and actions to describe the other parent to the point of creating fear of that Targeted Parent? What do you call it when a parent threatens to not love a child if the child shows any love, compassion or feelings for the other parent? I call it Parental Alienation or Hostile Aggressive Parenting, but someone else might call this Terrorism. Terrorism: the word strikes fear in most people’s hearts. But what is the actual definition of Terrorism? According to Encarta World English Dictionary, it is: ter·ror·ism n violence or the threat of violence, especially bombing, kidnapping, and assassination, carried out for political purposes. The synonyms for Terrorism are not better: Viol
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Psychological manipulation: An expert explains parental alienation to "4...

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Who is Harassing Whom - Dr. Richard Warshak

At some point in nearly every case of a child’s severe estrangement from a parent, the child and the parent with whom she is aligned label the other parent’s attempts to reach out to the child as “harassment.” The child rebuffs phone calls, texts, emails, greeting cards, invitations, even gifts. Not only does the child deflect efforts to connect. The efforts, themselves, are cast as further reasons for the child’s rejection. Your ex might ask, “Why would my child want to have anything to do with you when all you do is harass her?” (Note that the child is no longer considered “our” child.) What is that you do that constitutes harassment? Do you harp on your child’s faults? Do you pick on your child’s weaknesses? Do you persistently tell your child what to do, never allowing her a moment of peace? Do you constantly scream at your child? Or is your sole transgression your unwillingness to accept a break in your relationship with your child—your refusal to accept that your child will no lo
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"The Trauma of Parental Alienation as a Form of Family Violence and Chil...

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A NOTE TO MY DAUGHTERS

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From Ryan Thomas Who Was An Alienated Child

G etting no response from your child? read this... If you’re a parent who doesn’t hear from your child no matter what you do or say, I want to give you a different perspective... -->  YOU  have the  most  potential for change... This may feel counterintuitive, so let me explain why. When alienated children aren’t communicating, it’s because they are stuck in a prison. A prison that the alienator has built to have control over them. From your eyes, those walls of their prison could feel impenetrable. But from your child’s eyes, they don’t want to be in that prison. They want to be free. That means they can be who they really are, without being told what to do. That means being able to freely love each of their parents, without getting bombarded with lies. That means being from the chains brainwashing that they are hearing. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻. YOUR LIGHT. Because they know that somewhere out there, they have a parent (YOU) who loves them. You’re the escap
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Are Grandparents Important? By Dr. Joshua Coleman

Not having a relationship with a grandchild can be a source of enormous torment for most grandparents. This is because our relations with our grandchildren are based often on a relationship of innocence, shared need, and vulnerability. In most cases, the grandchild/grandparent relationship is a casualty of the parent-adult child battleground, not a choice of the grandchild. In other cases, the grandchild can join the parents in their criticism of the grandparent, creating an even more treacherous minefield for them to walk through. This is unfortunate because studies show that the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is not only good for the well-being of the grandparent, it's good for children's development. This isn't terribly surprising. Grandparents serve a number of important roles: They - * Provide the grandchild with another opinion about who they are. That is, if the parents of the grandchild are critical or rejecting or simply too overwhelmed to give
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Eleven Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics

  11 Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics, According to Experts (msn.com)
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Dysfunctional Child Development and PAS

DYSFUNCTIONAL CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND PAS This is an article written by   Joan T. Kloth. I found her years ago and joined her group which she runs for parents going through various stages of alienation from their children A lot of this information I know is true since I've been dealing with this for 18 years. Anywhere where the father is mentioned as being the targeted parent of course those roles can be reversed. Put the mother in where it says father and you have the situation where the mother is the targeted parent with the father being the alienating parent - such as in my case.
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How Does Alienation Affect the Children

How Does Alienation Affect the Children
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Gaslighting

  Gaslighting The term comes from a play of the same name about a husband who attempts to make his wife think she is crazy. The actual definition is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting ) In other words, the victim is made to believe that someone or something is not what they think it is. In the case of parent child relationships, this could involve one parent deliberately destroying the once positive memories of their other parent with the express purpose of severing all types to the targeted parent. Below is a list of feelings and thoughts that one might have who is being gaslighted into not having a relationship with one parent. Your own personal experience may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, you may be a victim of psychological abuse and parental alienation fr
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How Does Alienation Affect the Children? - Dr. Steven Lindenberg

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The Difference Between Parental Alienation and Estrangement

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  This is a very accurate description of the difference between parental alienation and estrangement. There is a definite difference. Estrangement can be due to a justifiable reason. If there is no justifiable reason such as neglect or abuse then it's very likely parental alienation has been involved. 1 1 comment Active Randi Hartman We should say "alleged abuse" since there might not be any real proof of the abuse that the parent is accused of doing.
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